Sunday, November 15.

So, I lied. Yesterday, I went out to eat with my family and of course, I couldn't resist and I ate. It was pretty much all carbs. Disgusting. I did terrible today too. I went to my boyfriend's house and he made a pizza and it looked so good and I ate it, then I had some poptarts. Oh, so while I was over there I wanted some ice cream and he didn't have any so he went to 7-11 to go get me some. Pathetic, I know. I wasn't going to go with him because I wanted to blog really fast, but I went anyways. I feel guilty for blogging when I don't do good. That's why I like having one. (Even though no one reads it. It just feels better to get my thoughts out.) It makes me want to do better, so I can talk about how I've lost weight and ate good.

I'm FED UP with myself. I cannot do this anymore. I have been doing this forever now, and it IS going to stop. This next week I'm going to eat all fruit (including smoothies and yogurt), vitamin water (the 10 calories per serving ones) and diet green tea. This whole week I AM going to eat ONLY those things, and nothing else.

I will not give in.

-Kinsey

Introduction

So, to start off, I've been struggling with weight problems for about 3 or 4 years now. I've never actually been anorexic, but I've always wanted to. I didn't want to 'hurt' my body, but I WANT to be thin more than anything. I've never wanted something so badly. For these past few years I've tried to restrict and sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't because I usually give up and eat, eat, eat. Then I'll start the whole 'I need to get back on track thing' and it happens all over again. So I decided to start this blog. I used to blog before, but it never really got anywhere, so I deleted my posts, which I shouldn't have done because now I have to start over.

Unfortunately, I have been cursed with shortness. Totally screws up everything. I am about 5'1". Yes, SHORT. It is horrible. I can't express with words how much I despise it. It truly DOES make girls look fatter, than they would be if they were tall. So, us short girls have to work much harder for our goal. I am 15 years old, and currently 104lbs. That may not sound like a lot, but with my height it really is.

This past week has been both good and bad. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday were perfect! All I ate in those 3 days were 2 pears, 2 yogurts, green tea, and vitamin water. I was so proud of myself! Then Thursday and Friday were awful. Thursday I was starving. I literally stood in front of the refrigerator for 10 whole minutes debating if I should eat or not. I got a Healthy Choice meal, which I eat often. They are healthy, but I knew if I ate that, I would binge. After that I had some toast with jelly, then doritos, then ice cream, then a snickers bar. It was disgusting. I don't have the will power to purge, but I really wish I did. The next day I felt sick, but I eventually started to feel better. My fat body was just getting used to the food that I usually stuff my mouth with. Friday at school I ate a muffin and some donuts, then went home and ate more. So today, I'm fed up with it. I was doing so good, then I f'd it up. (I'm trying not to cuss so much, lol.) This morning, I had a yogurt and vitamin water. I PLAN to eat only 200 more calories. Wish me luck!

Stay Strong!

-Kinsey