Mixed Feelings

I got my haircut today and I love it! I did go eat right after I got it done though. I do not know why! I'm so fat. I had an apple at lunch, after I got my hair done I had 4 small sushi rolls, a whole chicken flatbread sandwich, which I ate all of (FAT), I had some yogurt at one of those yogurt places in the mall, and I had 3 mint girl scout cookies that I don't even like. I don't know why I do that. When I binge, I eat things I would never usually eat. I thought my new 'look' would give me motivation. I guess it has. I would look soo much better with my hair if I was 20 pounds lighter. I'm going to do good the rest of the week though. I say that, but we'll see if it happens. It better. I was looking at my legs and butt today and they are fucking HUGE. It makes me want to throw up. I'm so fucking disgusting. Like my ass is ginormous! It's sick.

So my January's eating calender looks so bad. All the dates are crossed out with red X's. There is like maximum of 8 yellow X's, which means 'restrict'. I SUCK. February's calender is going to be soo much better! That calender really helps.

So earlier today, after I got my hair done. I had the feeling of trying to be normal and eat normal and stuff. It was weird. I got like out of ana mode, but after I got home and saw how fat I looked, I was like hell no, back to no eating. Obviously, I never stick to anything I do, but I need to! Soon!

Once again, I have nothing to talk about.. same old fat shit, lol.
Well I'll probably go to bed soon.
A moment on the lips, forever on the hips. :/
-Kinsey