Terrifying breakfast.

I woke up today and my mom comes in my room talking to me about random things then she says "We're about to have breakfast." And I tell her I'm not hungry and don't really want breakfast. Then she's like "Well you need to eat today." I kept telling her that I don't want nasty unhealthy food and she doesn't really say anything else. After that I go to the kitchen and smell the wonderful scent of baking pancakes. I couldn't tell you how much I wanted some. So I was sitting at the table and my dad was asking me what I'm going to eat and I said I'm not sure, I'm not that hungry. Then he gets all annoying and starts telling me that not eating breakfast is not good for you and only eating one meal a day is lowering my metabolism. Ughhh, so now I kind of have to eat something. I had a really small bowl of Special K with strawberries and probably too much orange juice. I did not binge, but now I'm full and bloated and feel disgusting. I hate the feeling of food in my stomach. I don't mind smoothies or healthy drink being there, but not solid foods, ew. I think after I digest some, I'm going to run like a mile on the treadmill and do like 200 jumping jacks (1 jumping jack burns 1 calorie!)

Before I went to the kitchen this morning I went to the bathroom to weigh myself and I was 98! Omg below 100 finally! But that was before breakfast.. so now I don't doubt if I'm back to 100. I don't know if you can gain 2 pounds over a really small breakfast but I think anas can since we fluctuate so much. I went shopping yesterday! And got tons of clothes that will only look good if under 100 pounds! Haha, atleast on me.

98 pounds really sounds so skinny and for anyone who reads this you're probably thinking I'm crazy for thinking I'm fat(you might think that, I'm not sure), but I truly am chubby. Like my legs and butt are huge and it's gross. I can't stand it. I really do look fat.

I'm thinking I'm letting my "secret" out too much. My parents are starting to worry, my boyfriend is starting to worry and my friends always worry since they see that I'm never eating lunch. I tell too many people my weight problems and I don't know why I do it! I just feel like I need someone there for me.. :/ and the only person I KIND OF talk to about it is my boyfriend and he's always like "You need to quit starving youself, you're not going to stay that same weight forever" blah blah blah.. I need more motivation today before I accidentally binge on some Chinese food my parents are going to eat later. I hope they don't bring it home though. I hope they just go out and eat it and I can stay home or something. The mall would be great right now, get to walk and lose calories and try on clothes for thinspiration and skinny bitches. Ugh, fml.

I guess I'm going to go look for some thinspo, I'll probably post tonight or tomorrow and say how things went.
Time to run!
-Kinsey